The famous photo of the Brown Lady of Raynham Hall. Probably not a good idea to try a flying elbow drop in this instance…
I have problems with anxiety. Sometimes even the silliest thing will become a massive, overwhelming problem that fills me with a sense of dread. It could be something as simple as a friend spontaneously calling me to see if I want to hang out. Maybe a school calls me early in the morning wanting me to sub. Actually ANY time the phone rings it gives me a pang of anxiety, as does any loud buzzing noise.
Now none of this is new–I’ve known for a long time that I have anxiety problems, among other things. But only recently have I realized just how deeply anxiety is entwined into my life. And not just anxiety, but other negative emotions and mental constructs that I’ve managed to pick up over the last quarter century of life. But that’s all they are–emotions and mental constructs. Real, but not as real as they seem. While the suffering they cause is very real, they themselves are like illusions; existing, but not as they seem to. It reminds me of watching the show Ghost Hunters on SyFy (fun show by the way). Usually the guys go in skeptical, attempting to debunk claims of paranormal activity by finding a pragmatic cause for the phenomena their clients describe–leaky pipes, air flow problems, and other such things that could sound like a ghoul going bump in the night. More often than not, they find some sort of common explanation for the so-called paranormal activity. The phenomena are very real, but the cause is not what the clients thought it was. They are simply mistaken, in many cases.
It is the same with our mental life. We deceive ourselves, seeing a ghastly ghost where there’s only a billowing curtain. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I know that in my life I’ve spent a lot of time wrestling with ghosts. I think a lot of people do. They’re the ghosts of our own faulty perceptions of ourselves and the world around us. And we’re so busy wrestling with them that we don’t really live.
So breath deep and don’t shy away from that scary spirit clanking chains and moaning through the halls of your mind. A closer look might just show a billowing curtain and a bit of faulty plumbing.
Oh, man, do I ever feel this post.
Maybe about six months ago, my doctor told me she was this close to prescribing me daily medication for anxiety. Knowing I prefer to take medicine as infrequently as possible, she suggested I try some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
I talked to a blogging friend while I drove home. She recommended a short, simple book called Just One Thing to start changing the ways I respond to stimuli. After I started reading that book, I started to see how I was responding to even insignificant things as if they were potentially lethal situations.
After my first read through the book, and actually doing its recommended exercises, I found myself in a much, much calmer place. I still am more anxious at a baseline than I’d like to be, but I have ways to ease myself out of it when I feel it creeping up . . . and am much, much better at getting to the point that I even need to ease myself out of it.
I love your final paragraph. Now that I know not to trust a feeling reflects some objective truth just because I have it, and the basis for certain feelings, it’s easy to see how many billowing curtains I was mistaking for antagonistic spirits.
It’s comforting, somehow, to read your thoughts on this, even apart from that final paragraph. Thank you.
You’re welcome Deb! Isn’t it funny how our perceptions so often trick us? They can make a curtain into a ghost, a stick into a snake, or a molehill into a mountain. One of my favorite quotes is: “In every perception there is deception”. It isn’t so much that we shouldn’t trust our senses, but rather be aware of their faults and limitations.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is supposed to be very beneficial to people with anxiety and depression. I haven’t studied it as such, but it is similar I believe to some of the things I practice in my Buddhist practices. I find it helpful to first just recognize a troublesome feeling, and accept it. Accept that it exists. Then I call it by its name: “Hello, anxiety, what do you have to teach me today?” I already feel a bit better at that point. And then I look deeply into my negative emotion and see what its causes and conditions are. Once I understand how it arises and understand it fully, I can see the seeds of transformation deep in there. There is liberation in suffering; meaning, we do not have to run from suffering, but rather we can transform it into bliss. This is the recognition that happiness is possible. Finally, I see the way to change my negative emotion by seeing a new way of thinking and acting that is more beneficial.
Those are the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism in a nutshell: suffering, arising of suffering, cessation of suffering, and the path out of suffering. While yes, it is Buddhist practice, I think these practices are beneficial for everyone; plus, you don’t even have to be a Buddhist to do them haha. I started telling people that my faith is the confidence that happiness is possible. And I truly believe it is, because I’ve experienced it for myself. That is a good thing to remember when anxiety or other negative emotions seem overwhelming :)
Its grounding in Buddhism is part of what appealed to me about your post. The authors of Just One Thing are themselves Buddhist, with the subtitle of the book being Developing A Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time. Parts of your comment just above don’t show up in any form in this book, which leads me to (a) be even more fascinated and (b) believe I have some additional research to do. In the meantime, I’m going to mull over your comment and enjoy the transitory mind state byproducts of doing so.
I’ve never read that book myself, but it sounds interesting! If you’re interested, some of my favorite books are by Thich Nhat Hanh. Being Peace, the Art of Power, and The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings are good ones by him. Also be sure to check out the Dalai Lama’s books, especially How To See Yourself How You Really Are. That one was a game changer for me, haha